Part 5: I’m Independent… Until I’m Not (And That Makes Me Furious)

I mentally feel independent.

But my mom lives with me and helps me when I can’t do anything.

Let me be clear: I love that she’s here. I’m grateful. I’m lucky.

But I hate the part where my body makes me need help.

Because needing help makes you feel like a burden even when no one is treating you like one.

It messes with your identity.

It’s like:

• You want to be the one who handles life.

• And your body says, “Today you will handle… nothing.”

  And then you get angry, and the anger turns into guilt, and the guilt turns into shame, and the shame turns into “I should just push harder.”

  That’s how I end up pushing forward even when I shouldn’t. Because assisted living feels like defeat in my head, and I refuse to picture that future.

  Not because I think it’s bad.
  Because I’m scared. Because I want my autonomy. Because I’m not ready to be “managed.”

  So I push.

  And sometimes pushing is survival.
  And sometimes pushing is a trap.

  Next: Part 6 — This Is My Life, But It Won’t Be My Whole Identity

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, counselor, psychologist, or medical professional. Everything shared on this site is based on my personal lived experience and is for education, reflection, and inspiration only. It is not medical or mental health advice and is not a substitute for professional care.